It's Jesse's birthday today. I'm the breakfast lady at his school on Tuesdays so he brought the "You are Special" red plate with him to school so he could eat his breakfast on it. He's twelve. He's a dreamer and I love him.

My mom and dad said goodbye and made their way to Boston yesterday. After a week and half of warm weather and high temps here in Nebraska, the rains came on Sunday night and we hugged our goodbyes in the rain with jackets on. We had a great visit. It made me want to smile. It made me want to cry an ask myself why, again, do we live so far away from each other? Things don't stay the same. We are never promised a tomorrow and yet that isn't enough to make me want to drop everything and hold my mom's hand and walk in silence while we still can. You probably have a running list in your mind of all the people who need you and all the places you should be. If you're like me, you're only accomplishing a fraction of those duties at any given moment. And so I pray Come, Lord Jesus and forgive me.

And on top of that there's this record that comes out on October 6th. And what if you love the music like you love another human being? What if the music feels like oxygen or beating heart? Does that sound too dramatic? Maybe it is, but in a world where I'm great at getting it wrong sometimes I feel like music might be the only place I'll ever get it right. So this record getting sent out into the world feels awesome and terribly frightening at the same time. Awesome that I get to make something that might connect with another human being. Terrifying in that it took me ten years to get here and the thought that maybe it's just not good enough yet makes me want to break into a million tiny teary pieces. 

But I'm pretty good at pulling myself together when I need to. I just need a minute in the bathroom to splash water on my face, take a few deep breaths and get on out there with a smile. Sometimes you do it when your love doesn't seem to be able to fix the mess that is human relationships. Sometimes you do it when 'honorable mention' is what your work earns you. Be thankful. Make the most of it. Be sad, then pull yourself together and be thankful. 

And pack for Texas and pray for clarity and check stuff off your list while listening to a super sweet mix of 80s hits including "Everybody Wants to Rule the World" by Tears for Fears.

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