1. I didn't get into New Folk this year and I really wanted to get into New Folk, but not getting in reminded me of how I can't wait for anyone to give me anything, I need to go after it. In the words of the Black Keys (and others, I'm sure), "She's a Go Getter."
2. I want to order a cute dress off the internet, but the fear of trying the cute dress on and seeing how not cute I look in it is enough to keep me from clicking "purchase." In the words of that movie with Ben Stiller and Jeneane Garafolo and they're all weird super heroes, "You must master your fear."
"Or Fear will be my master?" That's what you were going to say, wasn't it?
"Not necessarily...." (that's a funny scene)
3. My ankle is slowly getting better. My heart is staying the same. Grief is hard and stupid and there are no answers. But we keep moving. Like sharks.
4. In this situation, the shark-like moving things that have me swimming are: Confirmation music practice, gigs, band practice, setting dates for TWO new recording projects (!!!!), writing booking emails while whispering encouraging self-talk stuff to myself like, "You're going to be OK. No one ever perished from getting rejected by a venue. This is the part you have to do to get the part you like to do."
5. New goal: ten gigs at $200 a gig (which, if I'm being honest is more like 20 gigs at 50-$100 a gig). This is a mantra I keep repeating.
6. Back waiting tables and it feels so good. I missed those people. There is quiet satisfaction in sweeping and cleaning and serving and smiling.
7. Considering all those things outside my comfort zone like: baking no-knead bread, cutting wood with an electrical cutting device in order to fashion shelving, writing songs in this weird in-between state, ordering download cards for a song commission, investing more time into my garden, finally hanging that barn door.
8. It's spring time. In the words of Glen Hansard, "I'm feeling the pull." I'm itching to pack up and drive away. This time, just get the kids and see how long it takes us to get to the Grand Canyon. That kinda thing.
That tower of boxes looks like it's going to fall over. But I like it that way. Peace.