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Enya holds a real special place in my heart. I don't remember buying the Orinoco Flow cassette, but I remember having it and playing it over and over again. First, because I couldn't understand the words "Let me sail, let me sail let the Orinoco flow"- I got that part, but seriously, I couldn't understand the next three lines at all and I was pretty sure it was in another language. And second, I couldn't figure out how she made it sound like that. My 5th grade self had zero knowledge of recording anything other than pressing play on my own cassette player when my favorite song came on the radio ensuring that my kickass mix tape never included the first 5 seconds of any song back in the day, but that's it. That's all I knew of recording.

How did her voice sound like that? How many layers did she use? What instruments was I hearing? The vocal was so mesmerizing to me that I couldn't hear all the other stuff filling out the recording.

And then fast forward to freshman year in college in Indiana with a new roommate. The sting of being far from home is lessened considerably when she likes falling asleep to Enya just like you do. And she did. We'd fall asleep to Enya or Laura Pausini. Those are the ones I remember most, but there were probably more in the rotation.

And then fast forward to being a grown up and trying to make it all work. Make the work work, make the relationships work, make the schedule work, make the list work, make the food and body and spirit and small appliances and vehicles work work work. 

And that's when it hit me. My new pep talk is "Run a bath and listen to some Enya." 

It's like a trigger. How does Enya make me feel? It makes me feel like it's bedtime in college in my dorm room with my best friend. It makes me think of how I listened to her when I was twelve and soaked it all in with my eyes closed. Will I really play some Enya? Probably not unless it's a real shitstorm, but mostly the idea makes me feel peaceful.

Will I really run a bath? No, probably not. But the idea of running a bath makes me feel at ease like it's OK to step out of the work for a moment and close my eyes. Stretch goal: get one of those big bathrooms with a big bathtub like in the movies where someone went to all that trouble to light all those candles and then get in the tub. Stretch goal #2: GET A HOT TUB!!!!!

Life is hard. I'm not great at it. I look around and feel like I'm behind the eight ball most days. It's like triumph and defeat depending on when you ask me. Remember the half wall? Remember the half wall between my kitchen and living room I've been compaining about for so long? Well, we removed it last weekend. After eight years we finally got rid of it. 

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That's a win. And then the days keep going and you wanna know what? I finally put out that fire, but it didn't snuff out all the other stuff. It didn't all of a sudden check all the stuff off my list. Go figure. You get a win one day, but you've gotta keep on going all the days after that.

And that's what I'm doing. That's what we're all doing. One moment at a time, one conversation and decision at a time. And when it gets hard in an instant, I'll think of Enya and running water. "Let me sail, let me sail, let the Orinoco Flow."

 

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