The practice of working from a place of abundance is a rollercoaster of a journey. Some days are great and feel like everything’s coming up Dunbar, and some days not so much like walking on broken glass (now go listen to that Annie Lennox song- she’s so good!!! How could you have forgotten how good she is??!!!).
OK now that you’re back, walking on broken glass (HIT REPEAT) isn’t really what it’s like. It’s more like a rickety suspension bridge over a canyon like I’ve never actually seen in real life, but they’re really everywhere in adventure movies.
Since we last spoke, I’ve put in my notice at work. I’m doing it. Again. Quitting the cafe for music. This time with a much better idea of how it’s going to work and what I’m planning to do. However, the shaky days loom large where I get real scared even after listening to a podcast of testimonials by women entrepeneurs who went out on their own. There are women out there doing amazing things and inspiring so many with their bravery! Wow!
So I had to go back into my own journal to find the braver me to give me a pep talk. Here’s what I found:
“The choices I make might look different from the choices of those around me, but I know them to be the right choices for me and I like them”
Wow, Brave Hope, that is so great to remember! I get scared when I obsess over what it looks like from someone else’s point of view. I get real crazy wondering what everyone else is thinking. Why would you quit your job for nothing? Why wouldn’t you just keep working and do the music when you can?
BUT, then I remember I like these choices. They aren’t a punishment, they are actually things I’m craving and know for certain will make me feel fulfilled and fully me like the girl God wanted me to be this whole time, then I get energized and inspired and fearless. Hmmm, interesting.
Here are my new hold outs. Like, do these things and you’ll really stake a claim to this new thing you’re trying to create:
-The practice of clearing out a space in my house that will become my new creative space. But first, it means getting rid of the clutter that presently fills the space. It means practicing the nuts and bolts of newness by symbolically carving out a blank canvas in the midst of my present landscape. (I’m avoiding it. I know it will feel good. I know it feels like a bridge too far. I know I can do it. I should do it. I have all these thoughts at the same time.)
-Procrastination is not self-care. Oh dude. Let that sink in. Me watching “She’s out of my League” for the third time in one week is not helping me in any way. In fact, it’s hurting me. Putting off work and to do items, for me, raises my stress level, creates more unrest and distress. So why do I keep doing it? Like clearing out a space in my universe, this nook needs remodeled too. Oh brother.
-THis work is all over the place. How do I get it together and organized? If you’re doing everything, how do you prioritize anything? The music. I know it’s obvious, but it quickly becomes unclear. The music is the priority. The songwriting is king. Do that first, then do the other stuff. I need a work calendar or a time management tool or an egg timer or something.
Finally, I looked up the meaning of The Fool in Shakespeare plays. I found a blog that didn’t ask much of my intellect. I wrote down the things the fools did in a few different plays as encouragement for why the fool is the necessary:
he can see through characters//he is an observer of human nature and contributes a better understanding of the characters//the fool comments on events and points out the truth which is either missed or ignored//
And those things sounds like good things to me. So if I’m worried about being the fool maybe it’s because I haven’t been thinking about how the fool is needed in this world. Maybe instead of fighting the label, I just embrace it. OK, now what are the bridges too scary to cross for you? What are the risks that feel too risky, but your bravest self thinks that maybe just maybe you might be able to do it? Think on that. Peace.